the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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