I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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