1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
