Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
