You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
