Joe is yelling at the trees again.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
