You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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