Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
