I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
