you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
