she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We need to get me chipped asap
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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