she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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