So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
