I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize