i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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