people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
