I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
3pm strippers are depressing
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
