Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Are my feet made of real feet?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
