hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
