Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
