i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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