you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
