i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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