dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
