Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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