So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
