One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
