It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
