So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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