You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
are you so shy because you have an std?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
