You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
