i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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