bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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