@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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