OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
