until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
