so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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