the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
