After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
