I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
