i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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