Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
