I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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