ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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