He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
why do cheetos always look like penises
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
