guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
