I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I supernannyed him into submission
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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