I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
