so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
