He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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