Cold hands, warm shart.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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