Cold hands, warm shart.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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