Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
