You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
