so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
