Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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