If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
