If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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