return my video game
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
