woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
