I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
