So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
