That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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