I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
