the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
