I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The air was thick with penises
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
