I'm so fucking centered right now
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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