So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
