Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
