I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
