oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
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So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
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I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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