Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
