Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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