So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
