I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
