he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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